I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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