he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
