i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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