I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize