I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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