am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
