Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
