my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
