"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
