Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Randomize
