You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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