I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
