I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
