no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
