The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
