i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
