I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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