Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
