well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
