you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
