She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
