I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
