I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
