I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
