We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
