Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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