it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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