that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
