I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Green mimosas i think yes
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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