You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
