last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
