Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
