I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
