ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
