I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
