after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
