and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
being pregnant is like rehab
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
