he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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