I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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