walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
