Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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