I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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