Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
