dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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