He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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