never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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