I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
