Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
