I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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