I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
