my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize