Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
