i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
