My cat gives me a boner
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
