Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
