Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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