Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
