i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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