last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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