I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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