I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
