you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
