Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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