shes about as inviting as chlamydia
even my farts smell like vagina
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
