she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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