There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
