Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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