Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
