I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize