It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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