But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You don't make any sense
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