In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
