Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You smell like stripper and shame
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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