i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
