Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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