we have pet lesbian snakes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
