she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
