Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
