cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
