I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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