"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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